Chapter 120
PhilipsleptlikealogandawokewithastarttofindHaroldticklinghisfacewithafeather.Therewasashoutofdelightwhenheopenedhiseyes.Hewasdrunkenwithsleep.
「Comeon,lazybones,」saidJane.「Sallysaysshewon』twaitforyouunlessyouhurryup.」
Thenherememberedwhathadhappened.Hisheartsank,and,halfoutofbedalready,hestopped;hedidnotknowhowhewasgoingtofaceher;hewasoverwhelmedwithasuddenrushofself-reproach,andbitterly,bitterly,heregrettedwhathehaddone.Whatwouldshesaytohimthatmorning?Hedreadedmeetingher,andheaskedhimselfhowhecouldhavebeensuchafool.Butthechildrengavehimnotime;Edwardtookhisbathing-drawersandhistowel,Athelstantorethebed-clothesaway;andinthreeminutestheyallclattereddownintotheroad.Sallygavehimasmile.Itwasassweetandinnocentasithadeverbeen.
「Youdotakeatimetodressyourself,」shesaid.「Ithoughtyouwasnevercoming.」
Therewasnotaparticleofdifferenceinhermanner.Hehadexpectedsomechange,subtleorabrupt;hefanciedthattherewouldbeshameinthewayshetreatedhim,oranger,orperhapssomeincreaseoffamiliarity;buttherewasnothing.Shewasexactlythesameasbefore.Theywalkedtowardstheseaalltogether,talkingandlaughing;andSallywasquiet,butshewasalwaysthat,reserved,buthehadneverseenherotherwise,andgentle.Sheneithersoughtconversationwithhimnoravoidedit.Philipwasastounded.Hehadexpectedtheincidentofthenightbeforetohavecausedsomerevolutioninher,butitwasjustasthoughnothinghadhappened;itmighthavebeenadream;andashewalkedalong,alittlegirlholdingontoonehandandalittleboytotheother,whilehechattedasunconcernedlyashecould,hesoughtforanexplanation.HewonderedwhetherSallymeanttheaffairtobeforgotten.Perhapshersenseshadrunawaywithherjustashishad,and,treatingwhathadoccurredasanaccidentduetounusualcircumstances,itmightbethatshehaddecidedtoputthematteroutofhermind.Itwasascribingtoherapowerofthoughtandamaturewisdomwhichfittedneitherwithheragenorwithhercharacter.Butherealisedthatheknewnothingofher.Therehadbeeninheralwayssomethingenigmatic.
Theyplayedleap-froginthewater,andthebathewasasuproariousasonthepreviousday.Sallymotheredthemall,keepingawatchfuleyeonthem,andcallingtothemwhentheywentouttoofar.Sheswamstaidlybackwardsandforwardswhiletheothersgotuptotheirlarks,andnowandthenturnedonherbacktofloat.Presentlyshewentoutandbegandryingherself;shecalledtotheothersmoreorlessperemptorily,andatlastonlyPhilipwasleftinthewater.Hetooktheopportunitytohaveagoodhardswim.Hewasmoreusedtothecoldwaterthissecondmorning,andherevelledinitssaltfreshness;itrejoicedhimtousehislimbsfreely,andhecoveredthewaterwithlong,firmstrokes.ButSally,withatowelroundher,wentdowntothewater』sedge.
「You』retocomeoutthisminute,Philip,」shecalled,asthoughhewereasmallboyunderhercharge.
Andwhen,smilingwithamusementatherauthoritativeway,hecametowardsher,sheupbraidedhim.
「Itisnaughtyofyoutostayinsolong.Yourlipsarequiteblue,andjustlookatyourteeth,they』rechattering.」
「Allright.I』llcomeout.」
Shehadnevertalkedtohiminthatmannerbefore.Itwasasthoughwhathadhappenedgaveherasortofrightoverhim,andshelookeduponhimasachildtobecaredfor.Inafewminutestheyweredressed,andtheystartedtowalkback.Sallynoticedhishands.
「Justlook,they』requiteblue.」
「Oh,that』sallright.It』sonlythecirculation.Ishallgetthebloodbackinaminute.」
「Givethemtome.」
Shetookhishandsinhersandrubbedthem,firstoneandthentheother,tillthecolourreturned.Philip,touchedandpuzzled,watchedher.Hecouldnotsayanythingtoheronaccountofthechildren,andhedidnotmeethereyes;buthewassuretheydidnotavoid
hispurposely,itjusthappenedthattheydidnotmeet.Andduringthedaytherewasnothinginherbehaviourtosuggestaconsciousnessinherthatanythinghadpassedbetweenthem.Perhapsshewasalittlemoretalkativethanusual.Whentheywereallsittingagaininthehop-fieldshetoldhermotherhownaughtyPhiliphadbeeninnotcomingoutofthewatertillhewasbluewithcold.Itwasincredible,andyetitseemedthattheonlyeffectoftheincidentofthenightbeforewastoarouseinherafeelingofprotectiontowardshim:shehadthesameinstinctivedesiretomotherhimasshehadwithregardtoherbrothersandsisters.
Itwasnottilltheeveningthathefoundhimselfalonewithher.Shewascookingthesupper,andPhilipwassittingonthegrassbythesideofthefire.Mrs.Athelnyhadgonedowntothevillagetodosomeshopping,andthechildrenwerescatteredinvariouspursuitsoftheirown.Philiphesitatedtospeak.Hewasverynervous.Sallyattendedtoherbusinesswithserenecompetenceandsheacceptedplacidlythesilencewhichtohimwassoembarrassing.Hedidnotknowhowtobegin.Sallyseldomspokeunlessshewasspokentoorhadsomethingparticulartosay.Atlasthecouldnotbearitanylonger.
「You』renotangrywithme,Sally?」heblurtedoutsuddenly.
Sheraisedhereyesquietlyandlookedathimwithoutemotion.
「Me?No.WhyshouldIbe?」
Hewastakenabackanddidnotreply.Shetookthelidoffthepot,stirredthecontents,andputitonagain.Asavourysmellspreadovertheair.Shelookedathimoncemore,withaquietsmilewhichbarelyseparatedherlips;itwasmoreasmileoftheeyes.
「Ialwayslikedyou,」shesaid.
Hisheartgaveagreatthumpagainsthisribs,andhefeltthebloodrushingtohischeeks.Heforcedafaintlaugh.
「Ididn』tknowthat.」
「That』sbecauseyou』reasilly.」
「Idon』tknowwhyyoulikedme.」
「Idon』teither.」Sheputalittlemorewoodonthefire.「IknewIlikedyouthatdayyoucamewhenyou』dbeensleepingoutandhadn』thadanythingtoeat,d』youremember?Andmeandmother,wegotThorpy』sbedreadyforyou.」
Heflushedagain,forhedidnotknowthatshewasawareofthatincident.Herememberedithimselfwithhorrorandshame.
「That』swhyIwouldn』thaveanythingtodowiththeothers.Yourememberthatyoungfellowmotherwantedmetohave?Ilethimcometoteabecausehebotheredso,butIknewI』dsayno.」
Philipwassosurprisedthathefoundnothingtosay.Therewasaqueerfeelinginhisheart;hedidnotknowwhatitwas,unlessitwashappiness.Sallystirredthepotoncemore.
「Iwishthosechildrenwouldmakehasteandcome.Idon』tknowwherethey』vegotto.Supper』sreadynow.」
「ShallIgoandseeifIcanfindthem?」saidPhilip.
Itwasarelieftotalkaboutpracticalthings.
「Well,itwouldn』tbeabadidea,ImustsayThere』smothercoming.」
Then,ashegotup,shelookedathimwithoutembarrassment.
「ShallIcomeforawalkwithyoutonightwhenI』veputthechildrentobed?」
「Yes.」
「Well,youwaitformedownbythestile,andI』llcomewhenI』mready.」
Hewaitedunderthestars,sittingonthestile,andthehedgeswiththeirripeningblackberrieswerehighoneachsideofhim.Fromtheearthroserichscentsofthenight,andtheairwassoftandstill.Hisheartwasbeatingmadly.Hecouldnotunderstandanythingofwhathappenedtohim.Heassociatedpassionwithcriesandtearsandvehemence,andtherewasnothingofthisinSally;buthedidnotknowwhatelsebutpassioncouldhavecausedhertogiveherself.Butpassionforhim?Hewouldnothavebeensurprisedifshehadfallentohercousin,PeterGann,tall,spare,andstraight,withhissunburnedfaceandlong,easystride.Philipwonderedwhatshesawinhim.Hedidnotknowifshelovedhimashereckonedlove.Andyet?Hewasconvincedofherpurity.Hehadavagueinklingthatmanythingshadcombined,thingsthatshefeltthoughwasunconsciousof,theintoxicationoftheairandthehopsandthenight,thehealthyinstinctsofthenaturalwoman,atendernessthatoverflowed,andanaffectionthathadinitsomethingmaternalandsomethingsisterly;andshegaveallshehadtogivebecauseherheartwasfullofcharity.
Heheardastepontheroad,andafigurecameoutofthedarkness.
「Sally,」hemurmured.
Shestoppedandcametothestile,andwithhercamesweet,cleanodoursofthecountry-side.Sheseemedtocarrywithherscentsofthenew-mownhay,andthesavourofripehops,andthefreshnessofyounggrass.Herlipsweresoftandfullagainsthis,andherlovely,strongbodywasfirmwithinhisarms.
「Milkandhoney,」hesaid.「You』relikemilkandhoney.」
Hemadeherclosehereyesandkissedhereyelids,firstoneandthentheother.Herarm,strongandmuscular,wasbaretotheelbow;hepassedhishandoveritandwonderedatitsbeauty;itgleamedinthedarkness;shehadtheskinthatRubenspainted,astonishinglyfairandtransparent,andononesidewerelittlegoldenhairs.ItwasthearmofaSaxongoddess;butnoimmortalhadthatexquisite,homelynaturalness;andPhilipthoughtofacottagegardenwiththedearflowerswhichbloominallmen』shearts,ofthehollyhockandtheredandwhiterosewhichiscalledYorkandLancaster,andoflove—in-a-mistandSweetWilliam,andhoneysuckle,larkspur,andLondonPride.
「Howcanyoucareforme?」hesaid.「I』minsignificantandcrippledandordinaryandugly.」
Shetookhisfaceinbothherhandsandkissedhislips.
「You』reanoldsilly,that』swhatyouare,」shesaid.