CHAPTER 35

RobertJordanlayintherobebesidethegirlMariawhowasstillsleeping.Helayonhissideturnedawayfromthegirlandhefeltherlongbodyagainsthisbackandthetouchofitnowwasjustanirony.You,you,heragedathimself.Yes,you.Youtoldyourselfthefirsttimeyousawhimthatwhenhewouldbefriendlywouldbewhenthetreacherywouldcome.Youdamnedfool.Youutterblasteddamnedfool.Chuckallthat.That』snotwhatyouhavetodonow.

Whatarethechancesthathehidthemorthrewthemaway?Notsogood.Besidesyou』dneverfindtheminthedark.Hewouldhavekeptthem.Hetooksomedynamite,too.Oh,thedirty,vile,treacheroussod.Thedirtyrottencrut.Whycouldn』thehavejustmuckedoffandnothavetakentheexploderandthedetonators?WhywasIsuchanuttergoddamnedfoolastoleavethemwiththatbloodywoman?Thesmart,treacherousuglybastard.Thedirtycabrón.

Cutitoutandtakeiteasy,hetoldhimself.Youhadtotakechancesandthatwasthebesttherewas.You』rejustmucked,hetoldhimself.You』remuckedforgoodandhigherthanakite.Keepyourdamnedheadandgettheangeroutandstopthischeaplamentinglikeadamnedwailingwall.It』sgone.Goddamnyou,it』sgone.Ohdamnthedirtyswinetohell.Youcanmuckyourwayoutofit.You』vegotto,youknowyou』vegottoblowitifyouhavetostandthereand—cutOutthatstuff,too.Whydon』tyouaskyourgrandfather?

Oh,muckmygrandfatherandmuckthiswholetreacherousmuck-facedmuckingcountryandeverymuckingSpaniardinitoneithersideandtohellforever.Muckthemtohelltogether,Largo,Prieto,Asensio,Miaja,Rojo,allofthem.Muckeveryoneofthemtodeathtohell.Muckthewholetreachery-riddencountry.Mucktheiregotismandtheirselfishnessandtheirselfishnessandtheiregotismandtheirconceitandtheirtreachery.Muckthemtohellandalways.Muckthembeforewedieforthem.Muckthemafterwedieforthem.Muckthemtodeathandhell.GodmuckPablo.Pabloisallofthem.GodpitytheSpanishpeople.Anyleadertheyhavewillmuckthem.Onegoodman,PabloIglesias,intwothousandyearsandeverybodyelsemuckingthem.Howdoweknowhowhewouldhavestoodupinthiswar?IrememberwhenIthoughtLargowasO.K.DurrutiwasgoodandhisownpeopleshothimthereatthePuentedelosFranceses.Shothimbecausehewantedthemtoattack.Shothiminthegloriousdisciplineofindiscipline.Thecowardlyswine.Ohmuckthemalltohellandbedamned.AndthatPablothatjustmuckedoffwithmyexploderandmyboxofdetonators.Ohmuckhimtodeepesthell.Butno.He』smuckedusinstead.Theyalwaysmuckyouinstead,fromCortezandMenendezdeAviladowntoMiaja.LookatwhatMiajadidtoKleber.Thebaldegotisticalswine.Thestupidegg-headedbastard.Muckalltheinsane,egotistical,treacherousswinethathavealwaysgovernedSpainandruledherarmies.Muckeverybodybutthepeopleandthenbedamnedcarefulwhattheyturnintowhentheyhavepower.

Hisragebegantothinasheexaggeratedmoreandmoreandspreadhisscornandcontemptsowidelyandunjustlythathecouldnolongerbelieveinithimself.Ifthatweretruewhatareyouherefor?It』snottrueandyouknowit.Lookatallthegoodones.Lookatallthefineones.Hecouldnotbeartobeunjust.Hehatedinjusticeashehatedcrueltyandhelayinhisragethatblindedhisminduntilgraduallytheangerdieddownandthered,black,blinding,killingangerwasallgoneandhismindnowasquiet,empty-calmandsharp,cold-seeingasamanisafterhehashadsexualintercoursewithawomanthathedoesnotlove.

「Andyou,youpoorrabbit,」heleanedoverandsaidtoMaria,whosmiledinhersleepandmovedcloseagainsthim.「Iwouldhavestrucktheethereawhilebackifthouhadspoken.Whatananimalamanisinarage.」

Helayclosetothegirlnowwithhisarmsaroundherandhischinonhershoulderandlyingtherehefiguredoutexactlywhathewouldhavetodoandhowhewouldhavetodoit.

Anditisn』tsobad,hethought.Itreallyisn』tsobadatall.Idon』tknowwhetheranyonehaseverdoneitbefore.Buttherewillalwaysbepeoplewhowilldoitfromnowon,givenasimilarjam.Ifwedoitandiftheyhearaboutit.Iftheyhearaboutit,yes.Iftheydonotjustwonderhowitwaswedidit.Wearetooshortofpeoplebutthereisnosensetoworryaboutthat.Iwilldothebridgewithwhatwehave.God,I』mgladIgotoverbeingangry.Itwaslikenotbeingabletobreatheinastorm.Thatbeingangryisanotherdamnedluxuryyoucan』tafford.

「It』sallfiguredout,guapa,」hesaidsoftlyagainstMaria』sshoulder.「Youhaven』tbeenbotheredbyanyofit.Youhavenotknownaboutit.We』llbekilledbutwe』llblowthebridge.Youhavenothadtoworryaboutit.Thatisn』tmuchofaweddingpresent.Butisnotagoodnight』ssleepsupposedtobepriceless?Youhadagoodnight』ssleep.Seeifyoucanwearthatlikearingonyourfinger.Sleep,guapa.Sleepwell,mybeloved.Idonotwakethee.ThatisallIcandofortheenow.」

Helaythereholdingherverylightly,feelingherbreatheandfeelingherheartbeat,andkeepingtrackofthetimeonhiswristwatch.