Chapter 108

Thewinterpassed.NowandthenPhilipwenttothehospital,slinkinginwhenitwaslateandtherewaslittlechanceofmeetinganyoneheknew,toseewhethertherewerelettersforhim.AtEasterhereceivedonefromhisuncle.Hewassurprisedtohearfromhim,fortheVicarofBlackstablehadneverwrittenhimmorethanhalfadozenlettersinhiswholelife,andtheywereonbusinessmatters.

DearPhilip,

IfyouarethinkingoftakingaholidaysoonandcaretocomedownhereIshallbepleasedtoseeyou.IwasveryillwithmybronchitisinthewinterandDoctorWigramneverexpectedmetopullthrough.IhaveawonderfulconstitutionandImade,thankGod,amarvellousrecovery.

Yoursaffectionately,WilliamCarey.

ThelettermadePhilipangry.Howdidhisunclethinkhewasliving?Hedidnoteventroubletoinquire.Hemighthavestarvedforalltheoldmancared.Butashewalkedhomesomethingstruckhim;hestoppedunderalamp-postandreadtheletteragain;thehandwritinghadnolongerthebusiness-likefirmnesswhichhadcharacterisedit;itwaslargerandwavering:perhapstheillnesshadshakenhimmorethanhewaswillingtoconfess,andhesoughtinthatformalnotetoexpressayearningtoseetheonlyrelationhehadintheworld.PhilipwrotebackthathecouldcomedowntoBlackstableforafortnightinJuly.Theinvitationwasconvenient,forhehadnotknownwhattodo,withhisbriefholiday.TheAthelnyswenthoppinginSeptember,buthecouldnotthenbespared,sinceduringthatmonththeautumnmodelswereprepared.TheruleofLynn』swasthateveryonemusttakeafortnightwhetherhewanteditornot;andduringthattime,ifhehadnowheretogo,theassistantmightsleepinhisroom,buthewasnotallowedfood.AnumberhadnofriendswithinreasonabledistanceofLondon,andtothesetheholidaywasanawkwardintervalwhentheyhadtoprovidefoodoutoftheirsmallwagesand,withthewholedayontheirhands,hadnothingtospend.PhiliphadnotbeenoutofLondonsincehisvisittoBrightonwithMildred,nowtwoyearsbefore,andhelongedforfreshairandthesilenceofthesea.Hethoughtofitwithsuchapassionatedesire,allthroughMayandJune,that,whenatlengththetimecameforhimtogo,hewaslistless.

Onhislastevening,whenhetalkedwiththebuyerofoneortwojobshehadtoleaveover,Mr.Sampsonsuddenlysaidtohim:

「Whatwageshaveyoubeengetting?」

「Sixshillings.」

「Idon』tthinkit』senough.I』llseethatyou』reputuptotwelvewhenyoucomeback.」

「Thankyouverymuch,」smiledPhilip.「I』mbeginningtowantsomenewclothesbadly.」

「Ifyousticktoyourworkanddon』tgolarkingaboutwiththegirlslikewhatsomeofthemdo,I』lllookafteryou,Carey.Mindyou,you』vegotalottolearn,butyou』repromising,I』llsaythatforyou,you』repromising,andI』llseethatyougetapoundaweekassoonasyoudeserveit.」

Philipwonderedhowlonghewouldhavetowaitforthat.Twoyears?

Hewasstartledatthechangeinhisuncle.Whenlasthehadseenhimhewasastoutman,whoheldhimselfupright,clean-shaven,witharound,sensualface;buthehadfalleninstrangely,hisskinwasyellow;thereweregreatbagsundertheeyes,andhewasbentandold.Hehadgrownabeardduringhislastillness,andhewalkedveryslowly.

「I』mnotatmybesttoday,」hesaidwhenPhilip,havingjustarrived,wassittingwithhiminthedining-room.「Theheatupsetsme.」

Philip,askingaftertheaffairsoftheparish,lookedathimandwonderedhowmuchlongerhecouldlast.Ahotsummerwouldfinishhim;Philipnoticedhowthinhishandswere;theytrembled.ItmeantsomuchtoPhilip.Ifhediedthatsummerhecouldgobacktothehospitalatthebeginningofthewintersession;hisheartleapedatthethoughtofreturningnomoretoLynn』s.AtdinnertheVicarsathumpeduponhischair,andthehousekeeperwhohadbeenwithhimsincehiswife』sdeathsaid:

「ShallMr.Philipcarve,sir?」

Theoldman,whohadbeenabouttodosofromdisinclinationtoconfesshisweakness,seemedgladatthefirstsuggestiontorelinquishtheattempt.

「You』vegotaverygoodappetite,」saidPhilip.

「Ohyes,Ialwayseatwell.ButI』mthinnerthanwhenyouwereherelast.I』mgladtobethinner,Ididn』tlikebeingsofat.Dr.WigramthinksI』mallthebetterforbeingthinnerthanIwas.」

Whendinnerwasoverthehousekeeperbroughthimsomemedicine.

「ShowtheprescriptiontoMasterPhilip,」hesaid.「He』sadoctortoo.I』dlikehimtoseethathethinksit』sallright.ItoldDr.Wigramthatnowyou』restudyingtobeadoctorheoughttomakeareductioninhischarges.It』sdreadfulthebillsI』vehadtopay.Hecameeverydayfortwomonths,andhechargesfiveshillingsavisit.It』salotofmoney,isn』tit?Hecomestwiceaweekstill.I』mgoingtotellhimheneedn』tcomeanymore.I』llsendforhimifIwanthim.」

HelookedatPhilipeagerlywhilehereadtheprescriptions.Theywerenarcotics.Thereweretwoofthem,andonewasamedicinewhichtheVicarexplainedhewastouseonlyifhisneuritisgrewunendurable.

「I』mverycareful,」hesaid.「Idon』twanttogetintotheopiumhabit.」

Hedidnotmentionhisnephew』saffairs.Philipfanciedthatitwasbywayofprecaution,incaseheaskedformoney,thathisunclekeptdwellingonthefinancialcallsuponhim.Hehadspentsomuchonthedoctorandsomuchmoreonthechemist,whilehewasilltheyhadhadtohaveafireeverydayinhisbed-room,andnowonSundayheneededacarriagetogotochurchintheeveningaswellasinthemorning.Philipfeltangrilyinclinedtosayheneednotbeafraid,hewasnotgoingtoborrowfromhim,butheheldhistongue.Itseemedtohimthateverythinghadlefttheoldmannowbuttwothings,pleasureinhisfoodandagraspingdesireformoney.Itwasahideousoldage.

IntheafternoonDr.Wigramcame,andafterthevisitPhilipwalkedwithhimtothegardengate.

「Howd』youthinkheis?」saidPhilip.

Dr.Wigramwasmoreanxiousnottodowrongthantodoright,andheneverhazardedadefiniteopinionifhecouldhelpit.HehadpractisedatBlackstableforfive-and-thirtyyears.Hehadthereputationofbeingverysafe,andmanyofhispatientsthoughtitmuchbetterthatadoctorshouldbesafethanclever.TherewasanewmanatBlackstable—hehadbeensettledtherefortenyears,buttheystilllookeduponhimasaninterloper—andhewassaidtobeveryclever;buthehadnotmuchpracticeamongthebetterpeople,becausenoonereallyknewanythingabouthim.

「Oh,he』saswellascanbeexpected,」saidDr.WigraminanswertoPhilip』sinquiry.

「Hashegotanythingseriouslythematterwithhim?」

「Well,Philip,youruncleisnolongerayoungman,」saidthedoctorwithacautiouslittlesmile,whichsuggestedthatafteralltheVicarofBlackstablewasnotanoldmaneither.

「Heseemstothinkhisheart』sinabadway.」

「I』mnotsatisfiedwithhisheart,」hazardedthedoctor,「Ithinkheshouldbecareful,verycareful.」

OnthetipofPhilip』stonguewasthequestion:howmuchlongercanhelive?Hewasafraiditwouldshock.Inthesemattersaperiphrasewasdemandedbythedecorumoflife,but,asheaskedanotherquestioninstead,itflashedthroughhimthatthedoctormustbeaccustomedtotheimpatienceofasickman』srelatives.Hemustseethroughtheirsympatheticexpressions.Philip,withafaintsmileathisownhypocrisy,castdownhiseyes.

「Isupposehe』sinnoimmediatedanger?」

Thiswasthekindofquestionthedoctorhated.Ifyousaidapatientcouldn』tliveanothermonththefamilyprepareditselfforabereavement,andifthenthepatientlivedontheyvisitedthemedicalattendantwiththeresentmenttheyfeltathavingtormentedthemselvesbeforeitwasnecessary.Ontheotherhand,ifyousaidthepatientmightliveayearandhediedinaweekthefamilysaidyoudidnotknowyourbusiness.Theythoughtofalltheaffectiontheywouldhavelavishedonthedefunctiftheyhadknowntheendwassonear.Dr.Wigrammadethegestureofwashinghishands.

「Idon』tthinkthere』sanygraverisksolongashe—remainsasheis,」heventuredatlast.「Butontheotherhand,wemustn』tforgetthathe』snolongerayoungman,andwell,themachineiswearingout.IfhegetsoverthehotweatherIdon』tseewhyheshouldn』tgetonverycomfortablytillthewinter,andthenifthewinterdoesnotbotherhimtoomuch,well,Idon』tseewhyanythingshouldhappen.」

Philipwentbacktothedining-roomwherehisunclewassitting.Withhisskull-capandacrochetshawloverhisshouldershelookedgrotesque.Hiseyeshadbeenfixedonthedoor,andtheyrestedonPhilip』sfaceasheentered.Philipsawthathisunclehadbeenwaitinganxiouslyforhisreturn.

「Well,whatdidhesayaboutme?」

Philipunderstoodsuddenlythattheoldmanwasfrightenedofdying.ItmadePhilipalittleashamed,sothathelookedawayinvoluntarily.Hewasalwaysembarrassedbytheweaknessofhumannature.

「Hesayshethinksyou』remuchbetter,」saidPhilip.

Agleamofdelightcameintohisuncle』seyes.

「I』vegotawonderfulconstitution,」hesaid.「Whatelsedidhesay?」headdedsuspiciously.

Philipsmiled.

「Hesaidthatifyoutakecareofyourselfthere』snoreasonwhyyoushouldn』tlivetobeahundred.」

「Idon』tknowthatIcanexpecttodothat,butIdon』tseewhyIshouldn』tseeeighty.Mymotherlivedtillshewaseighty-four.」

TherewasalittletablebythesideofMr.Carey』schair,andonitwereaBibleandthelargevolumeoftheCommonPrayerfromwhichforsomanyyearshehadbeenaccustomedtoreadtohishousehold.HestretchedoutnowhisshakinghandandtookhisBible.

「Thoseoldpatriarchslivedtoajollygoodoldage,didn』tthey?」hesaid,withaqueerlittlelaughinwhichPhilipreadasortoftimidappeal.

Theoldmanclungtolife.Yethebelievedimplicitlyallthathisreligiontaughthim.Hehadnodoubtintheimmortalityofthesoul,andhefeltthathehadconductedhimselfwellenough,accordingtohiscapacities,tomakeitverylikelythathewouldgotoheaven.Inhislongcareertohowmanydyingpersonsmusthehaveadministeredtheconsolationsofreligion!Perhapshewaslikethedoctorwhocouldgetnobenefitfromhisownprescriptions.Philipwaspuzzledandshockedbythateagercleavingtotheearth.Hewonderedwhatnamelesshorrorwasatthebackoftheoldman』smind.Hewouldhavelikedtoprobeintohissoulsothathemightseeinitsnakednessthedreadfuldismayoftheunknownwhichhesuspected.

ThefortnightpassedquicklyandPhilipreturnedtoLondon.HepassedaswelteringAugustbehindhisscreeninthecostumesdepartment,drawinginhisshirtsleeves.Theassistantsinrelayswentfortheirholidays.IntheeveningPhilipgenerallywentintoHydeParkandlistenedtotheband.Growingmoreaccustomedtohisworkittiredhimless,andhismind,recoveringfromitslongstagnation,soughtforfreshactivity.Hiswholedesirenowwassetonhisuncle』sdeath.Hekeptondreamingthesamedream:atelegramwashandedtohimonemorning,early,whichannouncedtheVicar』ssuddendemise,andfreedomwasinhisgrasp.Whenheawokeandfounditwasnothingbutadreamhewasfilledwithsombrerage.Heoccupiedhimself,nowthattheeventseemedlikelytohappenatanytime,withelaborateplansforthefuture.InthesehepassedrapidlyovertheyearwhichhemustspendbeforeitwaspossibleforhimtobequalifiedanddweltonthejourneytoSpainonwhichhisheartwasset.Hereadbooksaboutthatcountry,whichheborrowedfromthefreelibrary,andalreadyheknewfromphotographsexactlywhateachcitylookedlike.HesawhimselflingeringinCordovaonthebridgethatspannedtheGaudalquivir;hewanderedthroughtortuousstreetsinToledoandsatinchurcheswherehewrungfromElGrecothesecretwhichhefeltthemysteriouspainterheldforhim.Athelnyenteredintohishumour,andonSundayafternoonstheymadeoutelaborateitinerariessothatPhilipshouldmissnothingthatwasnoteworthy.TocheathisimpatiencePhilipbegantoteachhimselfSpanish,andinthedesertedsitting-roominHarringtonStreethespentanhoureveryeveningdoingSpanishexercisesand

puzzlingoutwithanEnglishtranslationbyhissidethemagnificentphrasesofDonQuixote.Athelnygavehimalessononceaweek,andPhiliplearnedafewsentencestohelphimonhisjourney.Mrs.Athelnylaughedatthem.

「YoutwoandyourSpanish!」shesaid.「Whydon』tyoudosomethinguseful?」

ButSally,whowasgrowingupandwastoputupherhairatChristmas,stoodbysometimesandlistenedinhergravewaywhileherfatherandPhilipexchangedremarksinalanguageshedidnotunderstand.Shethoughtherfatherthemostwonderfulmanwhohadeverexisted,andsheexpressedheropinionofPhiliponlythroughherfather』scommendations.

「FatherthinksararelotofyourUnclePhilip,」sheremarkedtoherbrothersandsisters.

Thorpe,theeldestboy,wasoldenoughtogoontheArethusa,andAthelnyregaledhisfamilywithmagnificentdescriptionsoftheappearancetheladwouldmakewhenhecamebackinuniformforhisholidays.AssoonasSallywasseventeenshewastobeapprenticedtoadressmaker.Athelnyinhisrhetoricalwaytalkedofthebirds,strongenoughtoflynow,whowereleavingtheparentalnest,andwithtearsinhiseyestoldthemthatthenestwouldbetherestillifevertheywishedtoreturntoit.Ashakedownandadinnerwouldalwaysbetheirs,andtheheartofafatherwouldneverbeclosedtothetroublesofhischildren.

「Youdotalk,Athelny,」saidhiswife.「Idon』tknowwhattroublethey』relikelytogetintosolongasthey』resteady.Solongasyou』rehonestandnotafraidofworkyou』llneverbeoutofajob,that』swhatIthink,andIcantellyouIshan』tbesorrywhenIseethelastofthemearningtheirownliving.」

Child-bearing,hardwork,andconstantanxietywerebeginningtotellonMrs.Athelny;andsometimesherbackachedintheeveningsothatshehadtositdown

andrestherself.Heridealofhappinesswastohaveagirltodotheroughworksothatsheneednotherselfgetupbeforeseven.Athelnywavedhisbeautifulwhitehand.

「Ah,myBetty,we』vedeservedwellofthestate,youandI.We』verearedninehealthychildren,andtheboysshallservetheirking;thegirlsshallcookandsewandintheirturnbreedhealthychildren.」HeturnedtoSally,andtocomfortherfortheanti-climaxofthecontrastaddedgrandiloquently:「Theyalsoservewhoonlystandandwait.」

Athelnyhadlatelyaddedsocialismtotheothercontradictorytheorieshevehementlybelievedin,andhestatednow:

「Inasocialiststateweshouldberichlypensioned,youandI,Betty.」

「Oh,don』ttalktomeaboutyoursocialists,I』vegotnopatiencewiththem,」shecried.「Itonlymeansthatanotherlotoflazyloaferswillmakeagoodthingoutoftheworkingclasses.Mymottois,leavemealone;Idon』twantanyoneinterferingwithme;I』llmakethebestofabadjob,andthedeviltakethehindmost.」

「D』youcalllifeabadjob?」saidAthelny.「Never!We』vehadourupsanddowns,we』vehadourstruggles,we』vealwaysbeenpoor,butit』sbeenworthit,ay,worthitahundredtimesIsaywhenIlookroundatmychildren.」

「Youdotalk,Athelny,」shesaid,lookingathim,notwithangerbutwithscornfulcalm.「You』vehadthepleasantpartofthechildren,I』vehadthebearingofthem,andthebearingwiththem.Idon』tsaythatI』mnotfondofthem,nowthey』rethere,butifIhadmytimeoveragainI』dremainsingle.Why,ifI』dremainedsingleImighthavealittleshopbynow,andfourorfivehundredpoundsinthebank,andagirltodotheroughwork.Oh,Iwouldn』tgoovermylifeagain,notforsomething.」

Philipthoughtofthecountlessmillionstowhomlifeisnomorethanunendinglabour,neitherbeautifulnorugly,butjusttobeacceptedinthesamespiritasoneacceptsthechangesoftheseasons.Furyseizedhimbecauseitallseemeduseless.Hecouldnotreconcilehimselftothebeliefthatlifehadnomeaningandyeteverythinghesaw,allhisthoughts,addedtotheforceofhisconviction.Butthoughfuryseizedhimitwasajoyfulfury.Lifewasnotsohorribleifitwasmeaningless,andhefaceditwithastrangesenseofpower.